Monday, April 28, 2008

Which of these GTA IV blurbs are fake?

Grand Theft Auto IV may very well be the greatest game ever. I have never been a fan of the GTA series, but judging from reviews, it seems pretty damn amazing.

But this amazing? What follows are some (ridiculous) blurbs from reviews about the game and ones I have made up. See if you can tell insane hyperbole from made up hyperbole!

A) "The very nature of the American Dream is the central theme in Rockstar Games' Grand Theft Auto IV, a gaming masterpiece that is a picture-perfect snapshot of the underworld of today's big cities."

B) "GTA IV is the epitome of gaming bliss - it's sprawling city vistas, gritty underworld realism and wanton violence all mesh together to create a game as close to perfection as we may ever see."

C) "But perhaps the biggest innovation is the notion that you can create a game that's as valid a piece of art as any book or movie. Is this our "Citizen Kane" moment?"

D) "I now know how film critics felt after screening 'The Godfather.'"

E) "I literally pooped my pants in delight."

F) "It's been days since Grand Theft Auto IV's credits rolled, yet I can't seem to construct a coherent thought without my mind wandering off into a daydream about the game. I just want to drop everything in my life so I can play it again. Experience it again. Live it again ... Grand Theft Auto IV doesn't just raise the bar for the storied franchise; it completely changes the landscape of gaming."

G) "Grand Theft Auto IV will take your money, ruin your marriage, smack your kids in the face, all just for laughs. This is a game that is more than a game - it's a way of life. Say goodbye to life as you know it, GTA IV is here."

H) "... is what makes GTA IV the best openworld game yet, and why it will take something miraculous to rob it of game of the year status."

I) "We all knew GTA 4 would be a great game and sell millions of copies, but I didn't expect it to shame pretty much every other game I've played this generation."

J) "Heard of Bioshock? GTA IV kicks that game in the balls. Orange Box? Fuck that shit. Super Mario Galaxy? More like Super Mario GAYlaxy. Remember the wheel? This game puts that invention to shame. Fire? Give me a fucking break. GTA IV is the toughest, most badass, mind-exploding thing ever conceived by humankind. You don't play GTA IV - it plays you. Calendars will now go by pre-GTA IV and post-GTA IV. Welcome to year one."

A) real, Gamespy
B) fake
C) real, Team Xbox
D) real, Game Informer
E) fake
F) surprisingly real, Game Informer again
G) fake
H) real, EuroGamer
I) real, VideoGamer
J) real, my review

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