Thursday, February 21, 2008

American Gladiator power rankings

There was quite a lot of movement at the top of the final rankings, including an all-female Gladiator top three. It is no surprise that Crush finished number one – her utter dominance on Joust all season long, in addition to solid numbers in other events, makes her an easy choice for number one.

As other Gladiators racked up appearances, Justice remained mostly stagnant, losing his runner-up status. Unlike Crush, I couldn’t keep Justice in the two spot based on his Assault numbers alone – they aren’t nearly as impressive as Crush’s Joust numbers.

Risers include Siren and Venom, both of whom made late season pushes into the upper tier of Gladiators. On the opposite end of the spectrum is Fury, who fell due to very little action and increasingly pedestrian numbers in the faces of Siren and Venom.

1. Crush (1)

Her last two episodes include two flawless Pyramid appearances and a knockout with a tie on Joust. Crush’s numbers for Joust are tops, and can only be challenged by Titan. She recorded five KOs in eight APP with three ties – never knocked out by an opponent. Throw in two perfect Pyramids and two ties on Earthquake and Crush had a near-perfect season.

2. Siren (5)

It’s impossible to ignore the late charge Siren made. In the first edition of the rankings, Siren ranked eight on the back of almost no action. Her 15 appearances are second only to Wolf’s 16. Her last two episode APP: two Wall, two Joust, one Pyramid and two Hang Tough. She shut out opponents on Hang Tough, going four-for-four with four KOs and no points allowed. Of Gladiators with at least four Hang Tough APP, not one of the other three allowed less than 20 points. With solid numbers on Wall (4 APP/20 PA/2 KO) and alright numbers on Assault and Joust, Siren proved to be one of the most versatile and consistent Gladiators.

3. Venom (3)

Venom, another late bloomer, had mixed results during her last two episodes. She had a KO on Wall (her AG leading third) but also allowed five points. She had a KO on Hang Tough, but also allowed the full ten to a competitor. Still, her season Wall numbers are insane – five APP, three KOs and a mere ten points allowed. In 20 Wall appearances, Gladiators have six knockouts - Venom has half of those. She is to Hang Tough what Crush is to Joust – truly dominating.

4. Justice (2)

This time, Justice was asked to defend his title as most dominant on Assault. One KO and a TKO with 11 total points allowed later, and Justice falls to number four. He is still allowing a spectacular 3.0 points/APP in Assault, but his near non-existence in other events (only four non-Assault APP out of 10 total) has brought him down. Notching a knockout and a tie on Hang Tough shows that Justice may not just be a one-trick pony, but we’ll have to wait until season two to find out.

5. Titan (6)

Speaking of one-trick ponies, Titan has seven total APP – six of them on Joust. Luckily, his numbers compare favorably to Crush in that event. He has five KOs and one TKO in those six APP. His KO/APP rate is higher than Crush’s, but the fact that he has been knocked out keeps him down. His 1.4 points/APP leads AG comfortably. If points were awarded for “quickest time in which a human was owned” on Joust, Titan would be much higher.

6. Fury (4)

At this point, Fury is riding her early-season reputation. She has zero APP in the past two episodes and her once solid nine APP, is now seventh. She deserves more time in Assault (2 KO, three PA in two APP) and has been good on the under-used Earthquake.

7. Toa (7)

Toa did enough to stand pat, logging a hold on Pyramid and allowing five points on Wall. His Wall numbers (4 APP/15 PA/1 KO) are still tops amongst male Gladiators, as he has the sole kill for his sex. Other than that, his completely average Pyramid numbers (2 APP/5 PA/1 H) combined with … nothing make Toa a below average Gladiator.

8. Wolf (8)

The argument can be made that Wolf’s terrible Wall numbers (3 APP/30 PA) were against the eventual winner and experienced rock climber, but that doesn’t make up for his Hang Tough shortcomings. In his primary event (an AG high nine APP) he’s allowed 45 points. Although his four Hang Tough knockouts lead AG, his 5.0 points/APP is slightly above Gladiator average (4.2/APP) in the event and is a disappointment from someone who’s done it that much.

9. Mayhem (10)

Mayhem has been M.I.A for a while now. His one APP in the past two episodes resulted in five points allowed on Pyramid. He is tied for ninth with three others in APP with six. Mayhem hasn’t shown he’s great at anything and is neck-and-neck with Militia for “worst male Gladiator.”

10. Militia (9)

Militia got smoked on Wall, to the tune of 15 points in two APP – his only appearances. His ten overall APP ties him for fifth with Justice. Militia’s 7.0 points/APP puts him eleventh overall, ahead of the lowly Stealth. Very lucky that Stealth and Hellga exist, or he’d by far be ranked last.

11. Hellga (11)

I’ll admit it – I really hate Hellga. I wanted to put her last, but Stealth’s total disappearance is something to behold. She choked, again, on the only event she’s asked to do – Assault. She seriously has zero APP across the board in other individual events.

Thirteen points allowed, on KO and one TKO in her most recent Assault attempt. Gladiators are allowing 4.3 points/Assault APP, Hellga is allowing 5.3 and her PA total (32) is more than Siren’s and Justice’s combined (31).

12. Stealth (12)

As far as I know, not even on the show anymore. I am surprised she is still in the credits. She had two APP the entire season and got smacked in both. If the girl who won doesn’t get her job (or however the producers are doing this) it is a crime.

Check back later in the week for season awards and final thoughts.

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