Witches, we hunt them

From what I can only assume is the NY Post of the UK, the Daily Mail seems like a pretty insane publication. They have been key engineers in the ever-growing fear-mongering machine aimed at these new fangled Ptendo360 video games for a while now, producing absurdly sensationalist anti-video game propaganda.

But this takes the cake and just may be the most uneducated, incorrect and just plain dumb pieces of writing I have ever read.

PARENTS HORRIFIED AS MOST VIOLENT VIDEO GAME EVER TO LAUNCH ON 'FAMILY FRIENDLY' WII

A new computer game tipped to be the most violent ever is being released exclusively on the so-called 'family friendly' Wii console.

So-called. Those Nintendo assholes, with their simple interface, group intensive party games, annoying safety measures to insure no pedophiles kidnap your kids and a long history of being the most family-friendly console. So called.

Nintendo will dramatically transform Wii's image with the release of ultra violent video game MadWorld which, 'revolves around the themes of brutality and exhilaration', according to its creators.

That sounds fucking awesome.

Ever heard of a little title called "No More Heroes?" A game in which during the first five minutes of playing, the protagonist CUTS A MAN IN HALF - THE LONG WAY - WITH A GODDAMN LIGHTSABER. That was a pretty violent little number. Which came out in January of 2008.

Or how about Manhunt 2 in which one mimics the motion of stabbing someone? That was October of '07. That game is pretty violent.

Summary: violent stuff comes out, even on the precious bastion of purity that is the Wii in the quagmire of *duh duh duh*

Video. Games.

Players in the 'hack and slash' game, which is due for a UK release in early 2009, can impale enemies on road signs, rip out hearts and execute them with weapons including chainsaws and daggers.

Again, fucking awesome. Weird thing is, all this sounds like it was culled from the ~2:00 trailer for the game...

But they wouldn't drum up fear from a game they haven't played, would they? That's like me saying "'Tropic Thunder' will kill your wife, eat your babies and curb-stomp your dog" without seeing the film first.

Mediawatch-UK, Britains longest running pressure group campaigning for decency in TV, films and games, said MadWorld will 'spoil' the Wii.

Jason Cook - Cape Cod's longest running metacommenter on stupidity, said Mediwatch is sensationalist and ignorant.

Really now, "spoil the Wii?" They do know no one is forced to buy, open and play this game, right? In fact, I am sure it will receive an M rating just so our children can't get it easily.

I imagine this is like what happened when people didn't know anything about movies...

"Porn will spoil the movie industry!!"

John Beyer, director of Mediawatch-uk, said: 'This game sounds very unsavoury.

Tee hee, unsavoury. Next we'll have my favourite ice cream flavour!

'I hope the British Board of Film Classification (BBFC) will view this with concern and decide it should not be granted a classification.

'Without that it cannot be marketed in Britain. What the rest of world does is up to them.We need to ensure that modern and civilized values take priority rather than killing and maiming people.


Values like "free speech" be damned. They do have that in the UK, right?

Nintendo's Wii has enjoyed phenomenal success as an innocent alternative to complex - and often violent - role play video games.

No More Heroes: Wii exclusive. Manhunt 2: uses Wii motion controls to realistically simulate murder. Resident Evil 4: zombie decapping fun for the whole family!

Violent games exist on the Wii. It's not just WiiSports/Fit, which the mainstream media (and presumably DAILY MAIL REPORTER who wrote this) clearly don't know.

With a repatoire of mostly sports games the basic graphics and easy-to-use motion sensor remotes have become hugely popular with young children and families.

*meeting at the Daily Mail newsroom*

Earl Wigglebottom, Editor of the Daily Mail: "I say Mr. Penniworth, the Wii by Nintendo is a delightful machine, capable of wondrous feats of merriment!"
Penniworth: "Cheers sir. But I have heard rumblings that there is a dreadful title on the horizon, one which threatens to ruin this joyous device."
EWEotDM: *spits tea* "Guffaw! Speak verily of this title in your latest article, the public must know of this menace."
Penniworth: "Cheerio sir." *tips bowler, twirls cane while walking away*

Of the Wii's top 50 scoring games on Metacritic.com (I know, a number of sports titles are probably near the bottom, but bear with me) a whopping eight of them could be considered sports titles. There are RPGs, platformers, third-person shooters, puzzle games, first-person shooters and every other genre under the sun on the Wii.

Daily Mail writers may want to "do research," "call people," "use the internet" or "have half a brain" prior to sitting down and writing. I heard that's what journalists do.

MadWorld is a third person game where players control a character called Jack in a virtual world called Varrigan City which is under siege by a group of terrorists known as The Organizers.

The alternative world has been turned into a twisted game show called Death Watch where citizens must kill one another to survive - and win.

That sounds like a fantastical premise that my non-existent seven-year old brother could parse from reality.

The action in MadWorld - developed by PlatinumGames and published by Sega exclusively for Nintendo - is entirely in black and white. The only other colour is red for all the blood.

Super non-realistic visuals to go along with an over-the-top-premise?

Number one threat to the UK - MadWorld.

Players use the Wii remote to control the violent on-screen actions as central character Jack executes his way through the game.

Thanks for telling me controllers control games. "Players use the Xbox 360 controller to control..."

I assume Mr. Penniworth's hope was that paranoid-stricken parents will read this as "Players will begin muscle memory for murder at an early age" but since it's unclear as to what level of motion control the game will have - a fact absent from this article - he can't say that. Damn those ethics I hear so much about.

Sean Ratcliffe, Vice President of Marketing, SEGA of America, Inc, said: 'MadWorld pushes the envelope with its extreme content but takes a step away from the dark and serious nature of most mature games.'

Sounds like a thoroughly responsible answer.

A spokesman from Nintendo, said:

Who shall remain nameless to insure our credibility scores stays at a solid zero.

'Wii appeals to a wide range of audiences from children and teenagers to adult and senior citizens, anyone from 5 - 95, as such there is a wide range of content for all ages and tastes available.

A responsible, logical answer.

'Mad World will be suitably age rated through the appropriate legal channels and thus only available to an audience above the age rating it is given'

Fucking monsters.

Good Idea, Bad Idea: Wii motion controls

For those who don't know, Destructoid.com is a "hardcore" video game blog - they're sort of like an anti-industry, subversive Kotaku. I have been reading the site for a while now and decided to join their vast community of bloggers when they announced a "Monthly Musings" feature.

Here is my entry (minus some pictures, because I am lazy) that should be promoted to their front page (hooray for me!) by the morning 2/7/08.

Nintendo’s Wii is a testing ground for innovative control in gaming today. From various states of waggling, shaking and grips, the consoles titles have been quite varied in their unique control schemes.

But hitting that sweet spot – the perfect balance between traditional and motion controls, has been an uphill battle. How much waggle is too much? Does the title just feel like a port with a few swings and shakes tacked on? Is any of this fun? Successful Wii games have found this harmony, while terrible ones have failed miserably.

Super Paper Mario for the Wii failed to implement motion controls well. While overall a solid title, the game not only tacked motion controls on a game that didn’t need them - they weren’t even tacked on that well.

In this 2D/3D platformer/RPG motion controls are designated to auxiliary items and various niche tasks. To drink a mushroom shake, one must tilt the Wii-remote. An item that drops shooting stars on enemies must be aimed point-and-click style. Players have to shake the remote to break free from ice blocks. While cute at first, these motions become tired, annoying and bothersome as the games goes on.

What developers have to learn is two-fold. First, determine if your game is going to have motion controls in it. Do this from the start, not “oh this is a Wii game. Let’s throw some motion control in.” Secondly, do it correctly. Incorporate it into the core gameplay. Not to the point of excess, but to the point where the player knows and gets used to using it.

Super Paper Mario would have been better as a straight-up, no motion controls platformer. Putting in motion controls just because you can or think you have to, is silly. It would be like using computer generated images in every film. Some are just better without them.

No More Heroes is on the complete opposite end of the spectrum. The third-person action title uses motion control better than any Wii title thus far. A core technique in the gameplay, the motion controls manage to be fun, appropriate and perfectly paced.

The left/right/up/down beam-sword prompts appear multiple times in every fight in the game. And every single time they feel badass. Whether you’re swinging left/right for a decapitation or down to cut someone in half the long way, each flick of the wrist is a satisfying one.

Even more enjoyable than the beam-sword prompts are the wide array of wrestling moves players can perform. These involve nunchuk and remote motion simultaneously – to glorious effect. From the simple “both, up” suplex to the complicated “both, left/both down” slam, each wrestling move is not only satisfying – they feel somewhat realistic.

The biggest praise to No More Heroes has to go to what motion control they didn’t use. When the term “beam-sword” comes to mind, Wii developers must have thought “swing the remote, the sword swings on screen.” By eschewing this trapping, No More Heroes is a much more enjoyable and playable title. Instead, the developers used a simple high/low system (in which pointing the remote up was “high”) that made the game play like a Wii title without screaming “I’m a Wii game! See!” *Swings Wii-remote violently.* My forearm and shoulder owe Grasshopper Manufacture a beer.

Other titles like Zack and Wiki, Metroid Prime 3 and even Madden ‘07 have used motion control with varying degrees of success. But for every title that understands temperance and pacing, there are three that just don’t get it. Even great games like Super Mario Galaxy and Twilight Princess were great despite the motion controls, not because of them. With slightly more than a year worth of titles, Wii motion controls still have quite a way to go.