Varitek is (not at all) the majors' most valuable catcher

At the dugoutcentral.com, a site I write for off and on, one Aaron Schwartz claims the opposite - that Jason Varitek is baseball's most valuable catcher.

Whaaa?

Varitek is undeniably the most valuable catcher in the league.

I will deny that, as will most baseball fans with things we like to call a "brain."

Without reading further, one can assume what this piece will entail. Varitek is great at "handling the pitching staff" and "making the young pitchers comfortable." Four no-hitters? He's the sole reason for those. Hitting the baseball well and regularly? That's for roid-heads. Heartless machines only concerned with "numbers" and "stats." Not in my baseball!

He has proven game in and game out that he deserves to wear the coveted “C” (captain) on his chest.

Proven that he deserves to be the captain: .268/.350/.472 with 11 2B, 6 HR, 15 BB, 37 K

Catching four no-no's, throwing out 26.9% of base stealers (tied for tenth in baseball) mentoring the young staff, all that makes up for that offensive void ten-fold.

And thanks for clearing up what the "C" means.

Not once has Varitek ever taken credit for coaxing these rare feats out of his pitchers.

Has any catcher ever done this? Ever?

"Yeah, Nolan Ryan pitched a helluva game, but it was all me out there, catching like a mofo."

The first three no-hitters caught by the Red Sox captain were Hideo Nomo in 2001, Derek Lowe in 2002 and Clay Buchholz in 2007.

All of them (except Buchholz, stay tuned) prime examples of no-hitters being batshit luck.

A fifth one was only one out away when Curt Schilling shook off Varitek’s sign and subsequently gave up a hit to Shannon Stewart with two outs in the 9th inning last year.

Asshole. Who would have the gall to shake off a catcher of Varitek's captain-iness?

I watched this game and Schilling shook off Varitek multiple times, I think even in the ninth inning. If he'd have shook him off and gotten the perfect game, would Varitek be the majors' least valuable catcher?

Catching a no-hitter once can be attributed to good luck, but catching a no-hitter four times is a testament to skill.

Catching a no-hitter once can be attributed to good luck, but catching a no-hitter four times is a testament super-duper good luck.

Fixed.

Jason Varitek is a true model for a catcher doing his homework. Before every game Varitek can be found with his head buried in the scouting reports of the opposing team’s hitters. He not only knows what every hitter is trying to do in any given at bat, he also knows the hitter’s strengths and weaknesses.

No other catcher in baseball does this. None. None of them have the guts, the heart, the will, the captain power of Jason "screw Johnny Bench" Varitek to actually study the hitters they are going up against, which is also known as doing their job.

Baseball protocol dictates that the catcher runs to the mound to congratulate the pitcher after an achievement like a no-hitter. In Jason Varitek’s case it should be the pitcher running to congratulate the catcher.

But he would never do that because he doesn't want the spotlight! Varitek plays the game the right way, takes it one play at a time, does his homework, cliche cliche cliche cliche cliche.

For the record, catchers I would take right now over Varitek:
Martin
Martinez
Either (non-Jose) Molina brother
McCann
Mauer
every catcher with the last name beginning with M
Soto

Stephen A. Smith uses flawed, idiot logic to justify non-foul

I don't know why I torture myself watching First Take, but I do. This morning, Stephen A. Smith was talking about the Lakers/Spurs game last night. In this game, Brent Barry was blatantly fouled by Derek Fisher on a possible game-winning three.

Smith explains, very succinctly, why many people hate the NBA. Since I am not the fastest typer alive, I'll have to paraphrase, but it went something like this...

"Barry didn't sell the foul. There was contact, but because Barry didn't sell it, he didn't get the call. They should have got Manu the ball because he can win an Academy award on the basketball court.

"It wouldn't have been right to call it, because it would give the Spurs three free throws and hand them the game, which they did not deserve."

Note to any NBA player who is fouled: flop your ass off, flail your arms wildly and whine a ton or else the correct call will not be made.

Also: Lakers/Celtics Finals conspiracy.

Immediate update: From Buck Harvey of the San Antonio Express News via TueHoop: "If Brent Barry had sold it, he would have forced Crawford to make the call. If Barry had done a Ginobili, flailing his arms, coming up through Fisher, then Barry would have shot three free throws."

I am going to have to call someone to come wipe the brain matter off my walls because my mind has just been blown. People are advocating flopping on offense! More exclamations needed!!!! The ugliest, most egregious practice in the NBA today. Something that ruins the spirit of the game, makes it unwatchable and un-referee-able.

People, writers, actually want this to occur. I know we all want our team to win, but I will never root for my team to flop. Ever. I blame Vlade Divac.

Robert Horry hall of fame? More like hall of LAME

It appears Robert "Cheapest, dirtiest player in the game after two incidents, one of which was not that bad and the other was an award-winning flop-job" Horry will be retiring soon.

Dude has seven championship rings. Knee-jerk reaction from the world: he might be a HOFer. Career stats may not be great, but he's a winner. Let the debate begin!

J.A. Adande, of Around the Horn fame, thinks he's in. Me? Not convinced.

Just know this: The NBA hasn't seen a winner like Horry in three decades. John Havlicek retired in 1978, the last member of the Boston Celtics' 1960s dynasty to check out, and one of only six players in NBA history with a championship ring collection larger than Horry's seven.

Of those six players -- Bill Russell (11 rings), Sam Jones (10), Tom Heinsohn, K.C. Jones, Tom Sanders and Havlicek (eight each) -- Sanders is the only one not in the Hall of Fame. But the fact that K.C. Jones is makes the case for Horry.

My favorite Hall argument in any sport? "Player X is in, so player Y must be in if he's similar." What if they messed up? Isn't that possible?

And I counter with "Sanders didn't get it, so why should your guy?" So there.

Jones averaged 7.4 points, 3.5 rebounds and 4.3 assists per game in his nine-year career. Horry has averaged 7.0 points, 4.8 rebounds and 2.1 assists per game in 16 seasons.

So they both kind of stunk.

And nine years with those stats and like six other Hall teammates gets your ticket punched?

Jones proved there's a place in the Hall for underwhelming statistics if they came on winning teams.

Over at databasebasketball.com (a bunk-ridden nerd site, I know) they have this magical invention called the HOF monitor. Basically, it places values on various achievements one could accrue during an NBA career. MVP is the most highly weighted, as every MVP is in the hall. Go read about it if you want to know more, it's not that complicated, makes a ton of sense and isn't perfect. But it's something. And, much to Horry's chagrin, three-pointers made in the Finals is not worth that much. Zero, to be exact.

Anyway, Jones' score is 135, right at the average for a HOFer. Horry's score? 90. Conclusion = Jones was a better player of the game of basketball than Horry. At least more Hall-worthy. [Update: I was looking at Sam Jones' score, not K.C. Jones'. I blame the fact that there are two Jones' in the article and that I am dumb. K.C.'s score is actually 88, less than Horry's 90. So I actually helped out J.A. here. Meh, it happens.]

For reference: current dudes Antoine Walker, Baron Davis and Mike Bibby are all 95+ and I doubt they're on their way anytime soon. Dennis Johnson, who most see as borderline, has a 134. Hell, Reggie Miller is at 130 and is the same player as Horry, but actually good in non-clutch situations.

Maybe Horry didn't get his teams to that point, but he brought them home. If relievers like Bruce Sutter and Rollie Fingers can get into the baseball Hall of Fame,

Really J.A.? Two crazy-good relievers compared to a guy who makes "clutch" shots? I think the more fitting comparison would be an awesome pinch-hitter. Of which I doubt there are any in the Hall of Fame (correct me if I'm wrong).

and people believe kicker Adam Vinatieri deserves a bust in Canton, there's a place for Horry in the basketball Hall.

Now we're getting silly. Vinatieri didn't just come in and make some kicks in the playoffs. He's one of the most accurate kickers ever - ninth all-time in FG%. If we want to do some crazy apples to oranges to tomatoes comparison, Horry isn't even in the top 100 in three-point percentage at 34%. And in the clutch-tastic playoffs? 36%. Seems right in line with his career... "No he is clutch!" (that was J.A.)

Think about it: Has there been anyone you'd dread seeing in position to kill your team more than Horry?

I seem to remember a certain Jordan guy who was OK.

And just for a frame of reference, his HOF monitor score is 731, second all-time. That's 8.12 Robert Horries. That's also the number of milliseconds it took me to think about someone I am more afraid of killing my team.

He has appeared in more NBA playoff games than anyone else,

This is the definition of cherry-picking. Appeared is the key word. He could have appeared for one second in 1,000 playoff games, and turned the ball over 1,000 times with 1,000 fouls for all I know. Luckily, a thing called the internet exists and I can see that Horry is number 12 all-time in playoff minutes, not including this post season. He could easily get top ten, but Kareem (number one) has almost 2,000 more minutes than Horry. That's 42+ more games.

See, I can cherry-pick too.

made more 3-pointers in the Finals than anyone else

I take back the definition of cherry picking from the previous statement and move it to this one. Three-pointers made in the Finals? If scrub player X somehow made it to the Finals one thousand times and makes one stinkin three in each of those games does he deserve to go to the Hall (ignoring his freakish longevity and age)? And what if he made a ton, but missed three-times as many? I normally try and stay away from statements like this but: Give. Me. A. Break.

Because when he's gone, you'll never see another player like him.

A mediocre to good role-playing three-point shooter who got insanely lucky to be on teams that got to/won the NBA championship seven times, of which the outcome may or may not have been slightly affected by his shooting, but also a bajillion other factors?

Well, Adande may have me there.

Jim Rome blows my mind with two-minute sports cliche explosion

The following flood of sports buzz phrases were heard (many in rapid succession) in a less than five-minute span during Jim Rome is Burning. I know Rome is a proprietor of slang and "edginess," but God man, come up with something new.

drained mentally
gassed
killer instinct
leaving it all on the floor
checking out mentally and physically
chance to put them away
alley fight
carrying your team on your shoulders

Tune in tomorrow for: "taking it one game at a time," "lacking mental toughness," "mailing it in," and many many many more!

Important news about Big Brown

The amazing horse Big Brown, who will go for the Triple Crown on June 7th, ate some hay today, according to trainer Rick Dutrow Jr.

Said Dutrow, "I was really proud of the way Brown attacked the hay bale today. He looked really hungry, ready to eat."

Earlier this week, a mane specialist came to brush Big Brown's mane, according to an anonymous report. "I am positive his mane will be ready come race day," said Dutrow.

An eight-year-old girl also hired Big Brown for her birthday party earlier this week. When asked how Brown looked for the race, little Suzie Stevenson said, "I want one of my own, but mommy and daddy won't get one for me."

It's this kind of experience that will be invaluable to Brown on the track, said Dutrow. "Those kids really know how to push a horse. Come race day, he won't even notice the jockey."

A victory on June seventh will spawn a number of magazine covers, sappy puff pieces and debates about the ethics of horse racing. Also: Seattle Slew, Secretariat, Affirmed. A week later, no one will care.

ESPN/AP get an F in journalism

So the Yankees and Mariners played a baseball match today. Twas quite the game, with 18 runs scored, including nine in the first three innings between the two clubs - plenty of subjects to write about.

But apparently ESPN/AP forgot about "inverted pyramid" and "covering things that actually matter in baseball games" when writing this game up.

NEW YORK (AP) -- Joba Chamberlain sauntered over to the media huddled around his locker, hesitating for just a moment before plunging into the middle of the cameras.

"I didn't even do anything today," he said under his breath.

See, even Joba took journalism 101.

He didn't have to, with the way the Yankees are swinging the bats.

This is the first relevant information to this game. The Yankees scored 12 runs, including a three-run homer by none other than the Great Giambino and Robinson Cano going 4-for-4. But after reading the first three paragraphs I know the following:

1) Joba saunters.
2) He "didn't even do anything today"
3) The Yankees swung bats in a certain way

Even the headline is unclear:
Yanks' offense hot, Chamberlain steps up against bumbling Mariners

Now Joba "stepping up" has certain connotations. I am thinking Pedro vs. Cleveland in the '99 ALCS. That was a pitcher stepping up. At least give me Max Scherzer retiring all 13 batters he faced in his relief debut.

Joba's line:

2.0 IP/1 BB/1 H/2 K

Inspiring! Uplifting! Sensational!

Here's my took-me-three-seconds-to-write lead

The New York Yankees shelled Mariner pitching to the tune of 12 runs this afternoon in Yankee Stadium. Jason Giambi went deep and knocked in three runs, while Robinson Cano had four hits. Mike Mussina picked up his seventh win of the season in the 12-6 rout.

(a few dozens paragraphs later)

Joba Chamberlain pitched two scoreless innings with two K's as he continues to build up his stamina in preparation for his move to the rotation.

Was that so hard?

American Blogiators: season two power rankings #1

1) Crush
Last year's MVP is off to a great start. She's two-for-two on her event, Joust, with two vicious knockouts. Crush has two ties on Earthquake - a tough event - and one hold on Pyramid. Her KO in the seemingly unbalanced Skytrack (Gladiators are a ridiculous four-for-four with four KOs and no points allowed so far) barely adds to her case to be number one.

2) Venom
Tied with Crush for the AG lead in appearances (6), Venom is the second-best female gladiator and could challenge the much more one-dimensional Crush for best. The two Pyramid holds in two chances are her least impressive numbers. The perfect record on Wall (two-for-two, no points) and one KO with five points allowed on Hang Tough in two tries is very solid. In a Gladiator fantasy league, she's a three-category stud.

3) Justice
The most ridiculously proportioned Gladiator has been dominant on an event I don't think it should be physically possible for him to do - Hang Tough. Justice is two-for-two with no points allowed in the event not made for 7-foot, 300lb behemoths. If he keeps it up, could be the male version of Crush - a one event monster.

4) Rocket
If there were margin of victory in events, Rocket would be higher up. Last episode, he climbed a full length past the guy he was racing on Wall and taunted him for a while. If you're facing him on Wall, you better be comfortable swimming. I forecast that he goes something like 8 for 9 on Wall with five points allowed all season. If Rocket does anything in other events, he'll remain high in the rankings.

5) Wolf
Wolf has started off alright in season two, and he will get Hang Tough appearances. He's got two already, with on KO and five PA. Couple that with a KO on Wall and Skytrack (yawn) and Wolf may live up to his hype.

6) Titan
Continued face-smashery on Joust + one Pyramid hold + nothing else = number six.

7) Phoenix
One of the new female Gladiators, Phoenix intro'ed the new event Vertigo and summarily iced all-comers. It's unclear whether or not this event is fair or not, so Phoenix gets number seven. If it turns out she's just really, really good at it, then she could move up.

8) Hellga
Hellga and Wolf are the captains of underachieving Gladiators. For some reason (presumably because she can do little else) Hellga's game is Assault - and she's terrible. She hasn't been awful thus far, managing to stay dry. But in four shots, she has one KO and 16 PA - nothing impressive. Maybe intentionally, no one else has had a chance to shoot NERF balls at skittering math teachers and garbage men, so Hellga's numbers have no comparison. They're still bad.

9) Militia
How Militia managed to keep his job over Mayhem is a mystery to me. So far he has a Skytack KO. He barely even gets to espouse awesome military puns! Bland in every possible way. Militia really has gone AWOL (see, not so hard).

10) Zen
The mysterious (see: racist) Zen debuted last episode - to little fanfare. He did OK on Wall, getting the KO. But did nothing else and I guarantee he's not good at any strength game, a.k.a. all the cool ones. Thumbs down.

11) Toa
I think this is the fault of the rules more than Toa, but he's 0-for-2 on Earthquake with 20 points allowed. Now, both humans took him down, but they also fell in the drink. To me, that seems like a tie and they should only get five points. But I am not that judge from Dodgeball, so the "Islander who doesn't like tourists" is twelfth.

12) Jet
Gladiators are seven-for-eight on Wall with 10 points allowed. Guess who has allowed all ten and didn't get the one KO?

Piazza, go eff yourself. Love, Paul Lukas

So Piazza retired. Pretty awesome hitter. Pretty meh catcher. Pretty good player? I'd say so. ESPN writer Paul Lukas - not a fan.

Lukas starts off with this big diatribe about Pizza not wanting to move to first base that no one remembers but him. And it goes to this:

One reason he didn't want to play first base was that he was obsessed with that stupid record for most home runs hit by a catcher

Stupid record. Who would want to get a record at the position they've played for years and have an awesome shot at getting?

I like how guys like Favre are praised for being "tough" and a "gamer" for playing in a million straight starts (for example) even though he was hurt and a few times was immediately taken out after keeping the record alive.

Should Piazza have moved to first? I don't know, probably. But, as Lukas' later says, Piazza sucked worse at first than at catcher. So ... Piazza was right?

When the New York Post implied that Piazza was gay, he held that little press conference where he declared his heterosexuality.

This was crazy. An absurd, surreal moment for any person - much more for a macho pro athlete.

OK, fine. But he missed a huge opportunity to say, "But what if it was true? What if I was gay? So what? What if one of my teammates is gay? What if one of YOU is gay? It's no big deal. Listen, I'm straight, but this whole thing is really a nonissue." In a city with a huge gay population, that was an opportunity to show some real community leadership, and he totally spit the bit.

So you don't like Piazza because he missed the chance to stand up for the gay community? I'm sorry, but athlete's miss chances all the time to do the right thing, to stand up for those less fortunate. But guess what, they often don't. Some of the best do, sure, but it's rare.

The other strain in this is, are we so sure Piazza isn't gay? If he indeed is, your point is moot.

A few days after Roger Clemens beaned him in 2000, Piazza said that the incident had made him reassess the DH. "I thought the DH could be a good thing for me later in my career," he said, "but now I see that it's bad for baseball, because the pitcher can throw at the batter with no fear of retaliation."

One of the weaker anti-DH arguments, but I can buy it.

So what did he do after leaving the Mets? He shopped himself to American League teams with hopes of becoming a DH.

Dick. Five years+ later, mind-changing jerk. Old, catcher-worn knees, free to change his opinion assface.

None of them were interested,

Burnt.

so he signed with the Padres, but then he went to the A's, where he happily DH'd. Hypocrite.

I hope someday we find out Piazza really wanted to play first base and helped out at an AIDS shelter behind the scenes in his spare time in NYC. Now who's the hypocrite!

Was Piazza a tremendous offensive player? Yes. Did I sometimes cheer for him? Yes. But he never fulfilled his potential as a star, in the fullest sense of that term. Too bad.

Non-star:
427HR/1335RBI/.377OBP/142OPS+ (61 all-time)/10 straight silver slugger awards/7 top ten MVP appearances/12 straight all-star appearances/lock for the Hall of Fame

What a not living up to being a "star," not helping the gay community, not switching positions (cough Jeter cough), piece of crap.

Easterbrook is totally, 100% sick of Spygate. Really, he is, I swear

I am a Patriots fan. Not going to lie, I love me them Pats. But this, this is flipping nuts.

Gregg Easterbrook, famed moralist and one-time anti-Semite, has gotten more miles out of Spygate than any other writer by far. Here's his latest.

You're sick of Spygate.

Yup.

I'm sick of Spygate.

Nice try. You are not.

The reason Spygate keeps dragging on is because the guilty party -- New England coach Bill Belichick -- has not been punished in any meaningful way.

I am pretty sure this is dragging on because of guys like you - the media. The season hasn't started yet, T.O. hasn't murdered anyone, Tony Romo hasn't bedded another starlet and there is a general shortage of traffic-spiking topics to write about. So dig up an old one!

And the half million dollar (steepest in NFL history) fine and first round pick weren't meaningful?

Belichick cheated and lied, and so far has gotten away nearly scot-free.

Again, a huge monetary fine and docking a pick that directly makes the team worse is meaningless.

A man of dignity, who is caught cheating, would resign.

Any self-respecting man who wrote an anti-Jewish rant based on a foolish stereotype would have retired from writing.

Those who also must retire immediately, regardless of punishment:
base runners who steal signs
offensive lineman who poke someone in the eyes or steps on other's feet
any basketball player who travels
Barry Bonds
any coach that runs a trick play
baseball players who use corked bats or HGH
everyone ever

"Cheaters! Cheaters!" crowds will chant next fall when New England takes the field, if the cheater Belichick is still running the show.

So Easterbrook is making decisions based on fan chants? Well then, Tom Brady must really suck after all.

The way to stop that, and bring Spygate to a close, is to suspend the person responsible.

And here we have the crux of the argument, the point of this article. Suspend Belicheat. First of all, I would be amazed if this happens for a few reasons.

First, the people love a villain. Those Jets fans need something to boo while they get beat 56-7. And think of the networks! What would Fox do if they couldn't show hundereds shots of The Coach That Shall Not Be Named on the sideline while postulating about "the integrity of the game?"

Secondly, the sentence has already been issued. Half a million dollars and a first round pick. I don't think the NFL will add another penalty:
Commish: "Oh, and by the way, Coach is suspended for an entire season."
Kraft: "Wait, didn't we already get punished?"
Commish: "Uhh it wasn't enough. We read Easterbrook's column and we really think this is the right decision."
Kraft: "Understood."

The $500,000 fine assessed against Belichick is a token sanction at his income level.

Oh, I didn't know fines were based on income level and not severity of offense - this being the most severe fine ever.

Note to scrub defensive backs: Clothesline the HELL out of receivers because, hey, you'll only get fined like $100 in Easterbrook's world.

Suspending Belichick for at least a year would constitute a serious penalty where none has been imposed so far, and show pro football is serious about integrity.

Italics by me. That line is an absolute joke. I don't even want to form sentences about this, so here's a quick list of things that are infinitely more dangerous to the NFL's "integrity":

Pacman Jones
steroid/HGH testing
retired player benefits
the Cincinnati Bengals
NFL/college recruitment tampering
consistent refereeing

I also love the foreshadowing of "at least a year." What are you up to Easterbrook?

Goodell has contended any benefits the Patriots derived were minor at most.

Self owned.

But why would the Patriots clandestinely break a rule for eight years, engaging risk, if they never obtained any benefit?

Because coaches are paranoid freaks. Have you seen them cover their lips as they call out plays? If you told them casting bones in between plays would cause the other team to fumble on their next possession, they would all do it.

They weren't making a PBS documentary!

Zing!!!!

This goes on for like 15,000 words. But the end is pretty amazing.

What is necessary is a serious suspension for Belichick. Suspension for a season would actually be a mild penalty.

Mild: "gentle or moderate in force or effect."

This isn't tossing Lou Pinella from a Cubs game for arguing. NFL coaches do so much in-game that this would guarantee a significant swing in the win/loss column for the Patriots. Want to suspend him for a game? Sure, I guess I can agree with that. Even three games. But a full season is mild?

Belichick's lack of remorse creates an argument for a lifetime ban. Why should the 99 percent of NFL players, coaches and front-office officials who are honest sportsmen be tarred by association with a few who are not?

You are really really clueless aren't you Easterbrook? You're telling me, in all your infinite NFL wisdom, that 99 percent of those in the NFL are "honest sportsmen?" No other coach is filming other teams to get an edge? No other player tries to mess up the QB's snap count to get a jump? Not a single linemen spits, claws and pokes in the trenches? And you, Gregg Easterbrook, know this for an iron-clad fact?

You really are looking at the NFL wearing some glasses with a deep, reddish, even rosy-colored hue, aren't you?

And this footnote kills me:

Footnote: In Friday's Washington Post, NFL reporter Mark Maske quotes former Giants quarterback Phil Simms contending that stolen signals are no guarantee of victory: "'I've been in games where we knew every signal, every call by the other team, and we still lost,' Simms said by telephone yesterday. 'We [the Giants] had the San Diego Chargers' signals in 1980. We knew every signal. We knew every play. We were calling out what they were going to do: 'Here comes this. Here comes that.' They still scored 44 points.'" After more Simms quotes, the article moved to other matters.

Who was on the New York Giants' coaching staff in 1980? Bill Belichick and Ernie Adams.

No way they learned that from anyone else. Belichick, as the linebackers coach (must've forgotten that detail in the footnote), brought his four long years of cheating history to the Giants, convinced them that this was the way to do things, and got the head coach to steal every call from the Chargers - which, according to the team's QB, did nothing.

Suspending Belichick would be a fitting last chapter to Spygate, bringing the matter to a close. Unless, of course, you would prefer that Spygate go on and on and on.

Who would want that? Certainly not someone who's last eight articles consisted of three Spygate-based ones...

Platinum Games ready to kick everyone's ass

Two amazing/absurd/ultra-violent trailers from the up and coming game company, Platinum Games.

MadWorld may take the title of my favorite Wii game away from No More Heroes very quickly.

Raining on parades: first Hamilton, now TB Rays

I hate to keep doing it (not really, it's actually kind of fun), but all these end of May "this [team, player, trend] is the real deal!" features are getting to me.

This time, it's John Donovan of SI.com and the Tampa Bay Rays - the exciting, young, "playing the game the right way" team that is the sexy pick for a wild card spot. On May 15, with like 161 more games to play.

The offending portion is this:

There are a lot of reasons to believe in the Rays. To name just a few:

• A rotation with Shields, ace Scott Kazmir, Edwin Jackson, Andy Sonnanstine and offseason acquisition Matt Garza. Tampa Bay starters have a 3.98 ERA, fifth in the league. They have a 1.27 ERA over the last seven games.

Now, I know what you're thinking: "Don't two of those pitchers stink, one (two if you're counting Shields) of them unproven and the last super-injury prone?" And yes, you'd be right. But come on, it's mid-May! Get excited about the Rays and Andy "Cy Young" Sonnanstine!

Jackson: 34K/21BB, 1.30 WHIP

The Sonnanster: 26K/11BB, 1.33 WHIP, 5 HR allowed, 5.07 ERA

Kazmir: 10 IP, 11K/6BB, 1.50 WHIP

Garza: 14K/14BB (!), 1.38 WHIP, 32 IP in 6 starts

That, ladies and gentlemen, is the definition of a questionable staff. Yes, Shields is good. But beyond that, who on that staff is a lock to throw 200+ non-Andy Sonnanstine-like innings?

Up next: Florida Marlins: greatest team ever?

American Blogiators: Season two premiere impressions

When the weather turns warm, the flowers start blooming and the ides of March turn into the rites of spring, many sports fans think of the baseball season hitting its stride or the NBA ready to crown a champion.

But those of us who know better know - it's Gladiator time.

New Gladiators: people are actually paid to come up with this?

There are a crapload of new Gladiators this season. We have not only the winners from season one, but like five more. So we have to kiss Fury, Stealth (thank God) and Mayhem goodbye.

Do I feel creepy looking at Phoenix's gallery? You betcha.

Phoenix has one of the worst Gladiator gimmicks ever. Those fake wings? Really? And I only got this far on her bio before puking: "Soaring into the sky like a spirit from the flames who has been kissed by the sun..." Some NBC intern is a budding poet!

She made up (somewhat) for her crappy persona by punking kids on the new event Vertigo (more on that later) and is obviously more capable than Stealth ever was. So there's that.

Last seasons winners have taken their spot as new Gladiators and look way more jacked/oiled up than they did as humans. Their names - Rocket and Jet - are uncreative as all hell. Will the next winner be Speedy or Lightning? But I guess when you have fairly average sized people as Gladiators, they can't be called Hulk or Shiva or something. Although Shiva would be a pretty sick idea for a Gladiator. You can never have enough stereotypes. NBC, call me up!

Shiva hails from the mysterious Far East and will
make you a believer ... in domination-ism!

Rocket, the men's winner who smoked Wolf on Wall about five times last season, continued to dominate that event. It's pretty unfair and he looks unbeatable there. If he's so good at climbing why not call him Spider or Mountain Goat? Jet was...meh and probably will be all season.

There is apparently some 7-foot guy from the WWE named Beast who will "be released from a cage" for his entrance according to wikipedia. Awesome.

New events, same ownage

Season two debuted some new events last night, including Rocketball and Vertigo. Rocketball looked pretty sweet, and reminded me of an event on GUTS, which is always good. It's a combo of Powerball and...rockets and features of lot of rejections and mid-air collisions. Solid new event.

Vertigo is weird. There are these little discs on thin bars up really high that sway with the weight of the person on them. The point is to race across them to the end (or the scoring zone, for wimps) before the Gladiator does.

It's not very exciting, but it's funny to see people try and do it for the first time and get obliterated by some bodybuilder who practices five hours a day. Phoenix killed the people she went against - she could have had done it twice before one lady finished.

There is also yet-to-be-shown Tilt (tug of war, from what I gather), which should be like Joust - complete Gladiator domination, and Skytrack, which is from the old show and sucks. Other events have been upgraded, such as more huger Wall/Hang Tough courses, slightly easier Assault (no more impossible-to-find crossbow/arrow combo) and de-wussified Powerball. I believe someone suggested that...

"Speaking of Powerball, what the hell is up with these new goals? ... In the old Powerball you practically had to have your arm elbow deep in the goal to insure a point – that’s the way it should be."

NBC, I expect credit where credit is due.

***

The power rankings should be out next week - there wasn't quite enough info to do a good one after only two episodes. But I can say Crush literally snapped people's necks on Joust (I think one girl's eyes rolled back in her head), Justice dominated on Hang Tough, Hellga wasn't very good on Assault (surprise!) and Jet is off to a great start, getting beat on Wall.

Let me save you some time

By telling you everything you will read/see/hear on sports related programming the next few days:

OJ Mayo OJ Mayo OJ Mayo OJ Mayo OJ Mayo OJ Mayo OJ Mayo OJ Mayo OJ Mayo OJ Mayo OJ Mayo OJ Mayo OJ Mayo OJ Mayo OJ Mayo OJ Mayo OJ Mayo bribes bribes bribes bribes bribes bribes bribes bribes bribes bribes bribes high horse high horse high horse high horse high horse high horse high horse high horse high horse high horse high horse high horse high horse high horse high horse high horse high horse high horse high horse high horse Reggie Bush Reggie Bush Reggie Bush USC USC USC USC USC USC USC USC USC USC USC USC USC USC USC OJ Mayo OJ Mayo OJ Mayo OJ Mayo OJ Mayo OJ Mayo OJ Mayo OJ Mayo OJ Mayo OJ Mayo OJ Mayo OJ Mayo OJ Mayo OJ Mayo OJ Mayo OJ Mayo OJ Mayo OJ Mayo OJ Mayo money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money OJ Mayo OJ Mayo OJ Mayo OJ Mayo OJ Mayo OJ Mayo OJ Mayo OJ Mayo high horse high horse high horse high horse high horse high horse high horse high horse

Nick Cafardo, rocking the homer blinders

Nick Cafardo, respected writer for the Boston Globe and some scout, simply cannot understand why every team in baseball isn't a carbon copy of the uber-successful Boston Red Sox.

Money? Market size? Personnel? Dumbass GMs? Luck? Those are the answers I came up with in three seconds. Let's see what eludes Cafardo.

"One American League scout just shakes his head when you mention teams that don't hit. Teams like San Diego and San Francisco and Toronto and Seattle."

Those teams are pussies. Come on Giants, hit some home runs, will ya?

"Which is why a team like Boston stands out. It has balance. It can score and it can pitch. Is this such a hard formula for general managers to implement?"

Yes. Very hard actually.

There are currently only three teams in MLB that are top ten in ERA and Runs scored: the Cubs, D-backs and A's. The Cubs are number seven in all of baseball in terms of highest payroll. While the D-backs (#23) and A's (#28) are small market teams, they have smart front offices and young players playing very well at the moment. It remains to be seen if those two are in the top ten at seasons end.

Last year, only three teams were top ten in both ERA and Runs. Boston (world series champs, #2 payroll) was number two and four, Cleveland (lost in ALCS, #23) was number five and eight Atlanta (missed playoffs, #13) was number six and nine.

So yeah, it's really freaking hard to have a team that has balanced pitching and hitting. Money does help, though.

"'I don't understand why there aren't more lineups like Boston's in the league, because they've got it right.'"

You mean more teams with a $130 million+ payroll? A team with an elite farm system pumping cheap, talented players into the team year after year? A team that throws money at high-profile free agents that may or may not be good, but can get away with it anyway? A team with a ridiculously rabid fan base, outrageous ticket prices, one hundred plus years of history, it's own "nation," TV network and tons of marketable super stars? A lineup with All-Stars at nearly every position?

Note to Kansas City Royals: become Boston Red Sox, a.s.a.p.

Josh Hamilton: huuuuuge crackhead

Josh Hamilton is an awesome story for baseball this year. Recovering drug addict leads league in RBI for new squad. It's truly an inspiring story.

But Mr. Jeff Pearlman goes a bit far protecting Hamilton where I think other players (*cough Elijah Dukes cough*) would not get the same treatment.

He also manages to paint many baseball fans as dumb frat dudes, but enough of my words.

"When there is nothing better to do with their time -- when the keg of Piels has been floated, the last Camel has been snuffed and the "Girls Gone Wild: Girls on Girls" DVD has been played to exhaustion -- the dolts of this country turn to a new hobby: Mocking the recovering drug addict.

First of all, please, Pabst Blue Ribbon is my beer of choice whilst heckling. And I prefer the "Wildest Bars in America" GGW tape, thank you very much.

Seriously though, if you want to criticize idiotic fans, don't paint them with a wide, insulting and stupid brush - it belittles your argument.

And mocking addicts is not a new hobby.

In other words, here is what Texas Rangers center fielder Josh Hamilton, a 26-year-old saint of a man, will hear, oh, 1,000 times this season:"

"Saint of a man?" Joshius Hamiltonian, patron saint of ... drug recovery?

You do know he threw away a number of years playing professional baseball and probably millions of dollars for drugs, right?

Look, we all love a comeback story, but what Hamilton did was dumb. Plain and simple. What he did to bounce back is amazing, inspiring and uplifting. But no one kidnapped him and forced him to take drugs, he did it himself. I love the guy, he's helping my fantasy team and is a joy to watch. But I am sure he wants to put this whole thing behind him.

Ballplayers can be booed. Ballplayers can be slammed.

Ballplayers can be bombarded with venom for laziness, for indifference, for ignoring the fans, for heartless play.

They shouldn't be, however, for addiction. No way.

Didn't you read the "Making fun of opposing baseball players: Volume II?" This is right from page 32, paragraph five.

But addiction is the funniest thing to harass them about! Favre = painkiller addict. Eckersley = alchy. Jordan = gambler. Wilt = man-whore.

Let me say something to Pearlman that may blow his mind. Fans are assholes. Especially when they are at the ballpark, drunk, with buddies and/or their team is losing. If an opposing player has anything going on in their life, on or off the field, it is fair game for fans.

Paul Pierce heard stabbing jokes a few years back. Jason Kidd got it from the fans for wife-beating (a heckler favorite). Kobe still hears it in Colorado for that rape case.

Fans/hecklers have no morals when they enter the stadium. Everything is fair game. Everything. Mental illness, family troubles, legal battles - it's all been done before. The only thing I think (most) fans stay away from is death in the family-type stuff. That's just plain mean.

Athletes are elite human beings that make insane amounts of money playing a game that children play. They date super models, have fancy cars, gamble more money away than most of will see in our lives and are generally pretty rad dudes that any of us would trade places with. When they have problems that us normal folk have, we are obligated to make fun of it.

I doubt Hamilton, or any other athlete for that matter, will lose any sleep on his bed of 100-dollar bills with a movie star on each arm over what some drunk jackass yelled at him. Hamilton recovered from drugs. I doubt any chants of "snort that line!" (Pearlman's line, which is awesome, by the way) will get to him in any way.

Do we watch sports for the joy of the game?

Or do we watch sports for the joy of humiliation? For the joy of hate?

From the hecklers prospectus:

"Hamilton, Josh - Start each inning off by offering him a type of drug, the strength of the drug getting progressively stronger as the game goes on. By the 9th inning, he'll be off the wagon."

Too soon?

Somebody has a man-crush on Jake Peavy and post #100

From Jerry Crasnick of ESPN.com and the best hitting pitchers article:

"At heart, Peavy is just an Alabama country kid who just loves to compete. He can run a lick, is tireless in the weight room and, according to Young, hits the ball long and straight off the tee and has a delicate touch around the greens on the golf course."

It's like someone (unclear if it is Crasnick in the beginning and switches, or it's Young the whole time) went to Peavy's wikipedia page and pulled up random hobbies that are kinda, sorta related to baseball and hitting. "'Runs fast,' that's gold! 'Is good at golf?' Whodda thunk?"

Little known facts*: Peavy also has been known to cheat at checkers, cooks a mean quiche, is double-jointed and fears spiders.

There's also a lot of what I like to call "white baseball player" imagery here. Let's break it down.

"At heart, Peavy is a [white person] who just loves [being scrappy]. He can run [white person slang for "fast"], is tireless in the weight room and, according to Young, [plays golf, which is mostly for white people]."

Much better.

*may not be true.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

As an aside, this is the 100th post of this little blog here! I may look into streamlining the blog into one topic, as I have begun focusing video game writing on sites people actually read and have an internship writing about music.

Anyway, here's to 100 more posts and thanks to all my readers. Especially those I don't know personally. But you guys I know, too.

Best music of 2008 watch

I've recently gone on a music binge lately, grabbing up a bunch of new releases and plowing through them.

I've been pleased with a lot of it and bet that some of it will end up on my "best of" list come the end of the year. Let's look at some of the highlights.

British Sea Power - Do You Like Rock Music?

I loved BSP's "Open Season" and was looking forward to "...Rock Music." The band took the anthem rock to another level on the album with songs such as "All In It" and "Waving Flags." And although the second half of "...Rock Music" is weaker than the first, the strength of the aforementioned early tracks plus "No Lucifer" and "Lights Out for Darker Skies" makes up for it. Another solid release from a consistently good band.

Cadence Weapon - Afterparty Babies

Toeing a number of genre lines (electronic, rap, geek rap, spoken word), Cadence Weapon's debut "Breaking Kayfabe" had me hooked on his use of video game blips, clever rhymes and unique delivery. "Afterparty Babies" isn't great, but has higher highs than "Kayfabe." From the acapella opener "Do I Miss My Friends?" to the infectiously catchy "Real Estate," Cadence Weapon's varied style is still ever present on the album. It will be interesting to see what he can do on album number three - I have a feeling the best is yet to come.

Fuck Buttons - Street Horrrsing

The safest bet to be at the top of my end of year list, "Street Horrrsing" is dutifully feeding my addiction to noise. With six tracks clocking in at nearly 50 minutes, the album is a dense, slowly building monster. "Sweet Love for Planet Earth" and "Bright Tomorrow" are simply glorious - each lulling the listener to sleep before blowing his/her head off. The scratchy vocoder-filtered vocals, cheap sounding keyboards and fuzzed out guitars make for what I think will be the best noise album of the year.

Santogold - S/T

I think everything you need to know about Santogold can be gleaned from her video for "L.E.S. Artistes." That song is one of my favorite of the year so far and a great opener, for not only the album, but the musical career of Santogold. Her influences are many and that shows in the range of the tracks. "L.E.S. Artistes" and "You'll Find a Way" turn up the badass chick factor up to 11, while "I'm A Lady" and "My Superman" slow it down for a nice change of pace. The album is scatter-brained, yet cohesive. You may find yourself saying "is this really the same album?" and loving it at the same time.

Cut Copy - In Ghost Colours

Are Cut Copy doing anything with electronic music that hasn't been done before? Not that I can hear. But does that matter in the least? Absolutely not. Sounding at times like Depeche Mode or Daft Punk, Cut Copy brings a noticeable sense of life to this sometimes cold sounding genre. The heavy use of bass and guitars in harmony with synth and organic vocals makes for a great electronic record. "Lights and Music," "Unforgettable Season" and "Hearts on Fire" are some of the best dance/electronic tracks you'll hear this year.

And some individual tracks I have been loving:

Atmosphere - "You"
Crystal Castles - "Untrust Us"
Lykke Li - "Breaking It Up"
No Age - "Teen Creeps"
Portishead - "Machine Gun"
Destroyer - "My Favorite Year"
Los Campesinos - "Sweet Dreams, Sweet Cheeks"

thanks to Hype Machine for the links and being an awesome site.

Overheard watching Baseball Tonight

From the mouth of John Kruk regarding Kevin Youkilis:

"He's a ballplayer who can play."

What I love most about this is not the circular, nonsensical form (although it is silly), it's the fact that Youk has gone from Moneyball golden boy, to an "intangibles" and a "playing the right way" guy.

What's next, Kruk debunking the myth that saves are uber-important and that wins are the only stat that matters for pitchers?

Probably not...

Baseball Stadium play list 2.0

When two of my loves converge into a Reese's peanut butter cup of awesome, I have to take the opportunity to write about it. A while back, I made a play list of songs that I deemed good for use during a baseball game. Well I am going to do it again. And yes, I am an uncreative jerk.

"Hey Muscles, I Love You" - Muscles
Usage: whenever

There was no way I was going to do this and not include Muscles. The electronic artist/party animal's music is perfect for a day of baseball. The song has great fan interaction possibilities - I am picturing Fenway and "Sweet Caroline" type shit.

It's simple, during the chorus stop the song right after the "Hey" and let the fans fill in a players name before cutting back to the song. For example: "Hey, *Jeter*, I love you, I wanna have your babies." If that isn't genius, I quit.

"The Magic Position" - Patrick Wolf
Usage: great defense (particularly a diving catch)

"It's you who puts me in the magic position." If that isn't the ultimate props to a coach's defensive placement for his center fielder, I don't know what is.

"Paper Planes" - M.I.A.
Usage: after a stolen base

The chorus is the meat of this choice - the cash register, "I fly like paper" line and family-friendly gun shots, make this the perfect soundtrack to a base theft.

"Crimewave" - HEALTH
Usage: literally anything, but great for late rally or closer theme

On the short list of songs for 2008 that allow me to run through a brick wall, this song - with it's tribal drums and dissonant guitar squeals - would send a stadium full of clones of me to the brink of frenzy. Just what the doctor ordered for a late-game comeback.

"Waving Flags" - British Sea Power
Usage: after a blowout win or closing in on a sweep

Although the song isn't about giving up like I want it to be, no one is going to know that. The "we're all waving flags now" is such an awesome kick in the pants to a downtrodden team, I couldn't pass up.

"Machine Gun" - Portishead
Usage: closer entrance music

It would have to be instrumental, but the 15 seconds or so on a loop would be scary as hell. Bonus points if your closer has goggles or facial hair - just seems fitting.

"Slaves Shall Serve" - Behemoth
Usage: closer theme

You know how closers come out to like Metallica and Ozzy and probably think it's badass? The opening 10 seconds of this song would make Jamie Moyer throw 100 mph, guaranteed.

"Set Fire to the Face on Fire" - The Blood Brothers
Usage: hot hitter to the plate, opposing batter strikes out on a fastball

Opening five seconds will do, thanks.

"Rich Girl" - Hall and Oates
Usage: harassing a high-paid free agent

There needs to be more songs aimed at harassing opposing players in sports. I am picturing Barry Zito hearing this every time he pitches on the road - probably at home too.

"Handle Me" - Robyn
Usage: pitcher striking someone out

Would juiced-up baseball players and fans appreciate the pop-y glory that is Robyn? No way. But the line "it's plain to see, you can't handle me" is undeniably perfect for a batter striking out on a curveball or some high heat.

"It's Tricky" - Run DMC (hilarious video)
Usage: any bunt or double steal, goofy error by opponent

Great song to punctuate any form of successful chicanery by your team - be it a double steal, suicide squeeze or hit and run. Also hilarious for an opposing outfielder dropping a pop fly or misplaying a ball.

"Bathory Erzsebet" - Sunn O)))
Usage: closer entrance

The 7+ minutes of a huge bell being rung (not in the Youtube vid) may have to be cut down a tiny bit, but once that first distorted riff kicks in (timed with the pitcher touching the rubber for the first time, of course), opposing batters will be soiling themselves.

"Intro (Never Back Down)" - Throwdown
Usage: trailing going into the ninth

Obscenity rules be fucking damned, this song is too adrenaline-pumping to not be played in a park. Especially like the "you fucking bastards!" part.

"March Of The Fire Ants" - Mastodon
Usage: clean-up or three hitter coming up to bat

Not much to say other than one great heavy opening.

"Bulls on Parade" - Rage Against the Machine
Usage: post-seventh inning rally

Great title and very good riff combine for a solid comeback song.


Thanks the hypem.com for directing me to all those wonderful music blogs with mp3s. As far as those mp3s go, just listen to them, don't download. If you like it, buy it and if any artist would like them taken down, I'd be happy to do so.

LZ Granderson rips Josh Howard for no good reason

LZ Granderson, a writer for ESPN whom I enjoy, wrote a very well done article about the cartoon character that is Kimbo Slice and the way he perpetuates negative African-American stereotypes. I encourage all to go read it. It is brief, well-written and compelling - until the last paragraph.

"Yes, I do wish black men like Slice, Josh Howard and Detroit mayor Kwame Kilpatrick would take time to think (or care) about how their actions reflect on the few and/or influence the many."

I get Slice - your piece proved that point. I have no idea who Kilpatrick is but he has nothing to do with sports so, who cares?

But Josh Howard? I assume Granderson is admonishing him for admitting to smoking pot. I say assume because casually dropping his name with no specification won't make sense in a year, or even a week, when this whole pot thing blows over.

And didn't he admit to this a year ago? To Henry Abbott, an ESPN colleague? Furthermore, what does smoking pot have to do with Kimbo Slice acting "coonish?" I understand there is some stereotype associated with African-Americans and marijuana, but a lot of people smoke pot.

Says Abbott, "It's hard to even find presidential candidates who haven't done what Howard says he has done. The club of people who have smoked pot has membership in the millions. Has anyone here ever spent any time on a college campus? At a rock concert? I swear I smelled pot smoke in the bathroom at the Sixers game this very night."

I think Howard handled the situation well - he told the truth, wasn't arrested by police or suspended by the league (yet, anyway). Let's hope Abbott is right when he says ,"My bet is that in six months we look back at this and learn that the biggest news about this news is that it's not news."