Monday, July 07, 2008

Favre slobberknockery, commence!

I know it's not the right word, but I already used slobber-fest and this just sounds so right.

You've heard this song before: Favre ain't done! That salt and pepper bearded, blue jean wearin, gunslinging, playing like a big ol' kid Brett Favre is back (maybe)(probably?).

Wojo, make me crazy.

Did Green Bay Packers management get dropped on its head as an infant? Tumble down a long row of Lambeau Field concrete steps? Suffer a series of second-degree concussions?

I don't know, they seem to be doing a pretty good job to me.

If not, there needs to be a shareholders meeting of the only fan-owned team in the NFL. Somebody needs to ask general manager Ted Thompson why he's gone underground on this Brett Favre un-retirement thing.

I am going to go out on a really thin limb here: He's seen it like six times before. I can't blame him for not lifting a finger on the Favre who cried "retired."

So far, the Packers' PR department has issued a "The Packers have no reaction." And Thompson, who wouldn't interrupt his vacation to comment,


has been as useful as a grand piano in a marching band. But, of course, his silence says everything.

They're sick of this jerking around?

Thompson doesn't want Favre back. Not now. Not after Favre's official "It's over" announcement. ... And not after Thompson dropped Favre from the 80-man roster and then drafted two other quarterbacks.

It all makes sense until you ask a simple, essential question: "Is my team better or worse with Brett Favre at quarterback?"

I have to think it's infinitely more complex than that. How about...

Are we going to let Favre essentially run this team, again?
How much does he have left?
How much more will he cost over Rodgers?
Will the fans riot if we don't bring him back?
How tall will the statue of Favre be outside of Lambeau? 100 feet? 200?

And a million other things.

That's it. Nothing else should matter. Thompson's job is to construct the best possible Packers roster. And if he thinks Rodgers is better than Favre, then Thompson needs to submit his resignation yesterday.

I don't think anyone with what we like to call a "brain" thinks that Rodgers is better than Favre (but really, who knows, we haven't seen him play much). But running a team is way more complicated than "constructing the best possible roster." What about longevity or building for the future?

If I constructed a roster made entirely of 80-year-olds (who are good enough), while cutting cheap, young talent, am I doing my job? If so, the nursing home kickball team (the Bluehair Bombers) I assembled who went 10-0 should get me a job running the Arizona Cardinals.

Favre's agent, Bus Cook, called this scenario more than four months ago. He told ESPN's Chris Mortensen that Thompson did "nothing" to encourage Favre to continue playing.

That could mean two things: Thompson respected Favre's decision,

Dubious, as Wojo knows Thompson is an asshole.

or Thompson wanted to staple gun Favre's name to the NFL retirement list. I'm going with the staple gun plot.

Ohhhh, the staple gun plot. Is this like the JFK assassination plot? The staple was angled down, and to the left.

When it comes to football, Favre is a grown kid.


He played like a kid.


He retired like a kid,

Ugh. Although he did retire like a kid, changing his mind constantly and leaving the team that deified him hanging out to dry on more than one occasion.

all gooey,


tearful and conflicted. He said he was retired, "but I know I can still play."

And daggummit, Favre's word is gospel.

So the Packers closed the book on the Favre era, even though they should have known better.

They should have known Favre lies. A lot.

Thompson ought to be in Hattiesburg, Miss., right now, asking ... no, begging Favre to return. Whatever it takes -- ride shotgun on Favre's tractor, wear Wrangler jeans, spring for the worms at the local bait and tackle store -- Thompson should do it.

This is what Wojo (and 99 percent of sportswriters) wish they could do. Hang with Favre, drink a brew, pet his dog, go fishin - do all sortsa "guy stuff." No homo.

This can't be about agendas, egos, strategic plans, salary caps or Rodgers.

Can't be, won't be. This is about Thompson being a dick. I think Thompson must have killed Wojo's cat (named Brettfavrenumberfourlambeaufieldvincelombardi) at some point.

And anyway, if the Packers are so thrilled with Rodgers' potential, why exactly did they draft Brian Brohm in the second round and Matt Flynn in the seventh?

Maybe because Favre has been blocking Rodgers for like a decade and they have no idea what they have? Insurance policies - seems like a good move from such a stupid-ass Favre-hating GM like Thompson.

Favre is a living, breathing soap opera, but in a good way. We all know this. He's playing ... he's retiring. Playing ... retiring. What else is new? He waffles. But when you're just 38, and you can still throw the ball through sheet metal, and your team is good enough to make a long playoff run, well, waffling is an acceptable emotion. He was weary in March, now he's not. It happens.

This paragraph sums up a lot of what I hate about modern sports writing: hypocrisy. Why oh why does Favre get a pass for "waffling" when guys like Manny Ramirez (and pretty much every NBA player) get blasted for pursuing trades and/or changing their minds?

Is it the rugged good looks? The country twang in his voice? The all-time INT record?

Wait, I got it. The whiteness. It's the whiteness.

The only NFL quarterbacks better than Favre right now are: Tom Brady. Peyton Manning. And, uh ...

This post is already Homerian in it's epic-ness, but this is where it goes off the deep end.

Before we just had a string of anecdotes and GM headhunting. Now, we have total ignorance of "numbers" and "common sense."

List of QBs who started more than eight games I wouldn't want over of Favre:
Kitna (mostly because of the Jesus thing)
Frerotte (eight starts for an injured Marc Bulger)

That's it. And you know why? Every other starting QB is really good, not 38 years of age or some balance of the two. Seriously, give me a 26-year-old Matt Schaub over a 38-year-old Favre every day of the week.

See what I mean? There are 32 teams, and Brady and Manning are the only two QBs you can absolutely, positively say are superior to Favre. And just to be polite, I'll add Ben Roethlisberger, Carson Palmer, Donovan McNabb, Matt Hasselbeck, Drew Brees and David Garrard to the mix. That's eight. Maybe.

You're so polite, hinting at a GM being incompetent, calling for his resignation.

Look, Michael Jordan retired three times before it stuck. It didn't make him any less of a legend, any less of a Chicago Bulls icon.

Actually, he certainly could have won more titles if he didn't retire.

His career was defined by what he did in that uniform, not by what he did with the Birmingham Barons or Washington Wizards.

Maybe my memory is going, but yeah, this did kind of did diminish his career. Best basketball player ever? Undoubtedly. But people will always talk about the baseball, the Wizards and the train wreck that is the Charlotte Bobcats.

The Packers' training camp begins July 28. Between now and then, Thompson needs to understand there are worse things than having Favre as Green Bay's starting quarterback.

Like, not having Favre as Green Bay's starting quarterback.

There are worse things for sportswriters than not having Favre to write about.

No. No there's not.

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