Mailing it in, defined

Want to know the secret to being a writer for ESPN?

Articles like this.

In all reality, Jeffri Chadiha's article is "10 players that are good in the NFL" but with the buzz word-y "indispensables."

MVPs you say? Shut up, Chadiha says. Tough to write you say (sarcastically)? You bet your ass it is, Chadiha says.

After going through a bunch of painfully obvious names (Tom Brady?! Peyton Manning?!!?!?!?), Chadiha avoids smacking his head on the shallow side of the pool by diving off the deep end.

5. Antonio Gates, TE, San Diego

As Chadiha explains, you know who isn't on this list? LaDainian Fucking Tomlinson. The best player in football. The reason?

Before his [Gates'] career took off in 2004, the Chargers were arguably the worst team in the league, one that featured Tomlinson. But they've been in the playoffs three times since 2004, with a passing game built around his talents.

Ohhhh, so:
Tomlinson's Chargers = Worst team in football
Gates' Chargers = Playoffs
Conclusion: Tomlinson sucks, Gates is heavenly!

The year before they were an admittedly bad 4-12, they were a respectable 8-8. I also like the masking phrase "before his career took off in 2004." He was on the shitty 4-12 team! And played 15 games with 24 catches (third on the team, behind LDT's insane 100) and 389 yards!

"But that wasn't the Gates I know," said Chadiha.

Look, Gates is a great TE and probably like the fourth of fifth most important player on the Chargers (LDT, Rivers, Merriman, Castillo seem more important to me). But seriously, no Tomlinson? For that stupid-ass reason?

And my favorite:

10. Eli Manning, QB, Giants

Talk about a guy who came of age in a relatively short time last season. Manning started 2007 with people wondering if he could become a more effective leader and he ended it with the Lombardi Trophy in his grasp. I've now stopped wondering whether he'll ever be the prolific passer that his brother is, primarily because it doesn't matter. He's showed the world he can win in his own way and it's hard to imagine another Giant who belongs on this list over him.

I have no direct response to this, it's just an awesome cause and effect.

Before season: Eli blows (?)

During season: Eli kinda sucks

After season: Eli is awesome!!!

The only thing that changed is he "won" the Super Bowl. He is still the same mediocre to slightly above average QB.

Stats, let me show you them:

'07 Super Freakin' Bowl Champ Giants: fourteenth in NFL in offense, twenty-first in passing offense.
Manning - 56% completion/23 TD/20 INT/3336 YDS/73.9 QB rating.

'06 Crappy 8-8 Giants: eleventh in team offense, nineteenth in passing.
Manning - 57% completion/24 TD/18 INT/3244 YDS/77.0 QB rating.

I mean, to me, it looks like '06 Manning was slightly better than the '07 model. But the '07 Giants were 10-6, two whole games better than the '06 team! They won their playoff games by a combined 20 points, or 5.0/game! DOM.I.NATION. All because of the great Eli Manning. He's a winner, a champ. Gimme him over Carson No Ring On The Finger Palmer any day.